Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
