cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
