She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
