i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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