I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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