She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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