Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
