I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
