I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
