we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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