; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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