We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The air was thick with penises
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
