I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize