yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
