When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
