Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
