At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think i have two assholes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize