Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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