I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize