I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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