i permit you to call me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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