alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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