I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
