I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize