She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
