Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize