Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
