My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have post one night stand depression
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