you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
