she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
