Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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