Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
