you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
