Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
