u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
