Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
