I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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