...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize