Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
