there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
