i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
