I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
