Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
