I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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