you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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