Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
