I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
