She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
