I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
