I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
