My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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