they need to just BURY HIM!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
