thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
