the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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