I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
