I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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