Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
