This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
