You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
