Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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