Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby

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(817): View more from Texas

why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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(630): View more from Illinois

I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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(954): View more from Florida

i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.

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(716): View more from New York

Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom

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(850): View more from Florida

the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people

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(303): View more from Colorado

I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

How high are you?

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(515): View more from Iowa

I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.

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