I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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